Most Men Will Go Farther To Give

Last Christmas, I Got The Worst Gift A Guy Ever Gave Me. He Gave Me A Lottery Ticket... What's The Guy Even Thinking There. Here You Go... Nothing! Merry Christmas! It's Nothing!

They're Like ''you're An Alcoholic.'' I Go ''no, I'm Not.'' And Then-apparently That's What Alcoholics Say Too, You Know?

I've Always Been Very Averse To Innuendo, Especially Sexual. I Find It Cowardly Or Something.

There Are Two Things Which A Man Should Scrupulously Avoid: Giving Advice That He Would Not Follow, And Asking Advice When He Is Determined To Pursue His Own Opinion.

I Had A Show That People Thought Used A Laugh Track. It Wasn't; It Was The Real Audience Going Crazy After Everything That Resembled A Joke, That They Could Technically Call A Joke.