I'm Thankful For Women. I Think Women

You Can't Love Your Team Without Hating Another Team.

Ever See This? It's A Homeless Guy But He's Got A Dog... The Dog's Really Thrilled With This Idea. The Dog's Going, Hey Pal, I Can Do This By Myself Pretty Well. The Longest Walk In The World You Got Me On Here.

Man, Them Engagement Rings, Boy, They Cost A Lot. I Was Looking At 'em. Cost Like A Thousand Bucks, Two Thousand Bucks, Y'know. Three Thousand Bucks. Something Like That- Four Thousand Bucks. Big Number Divisible By A Thousand, Anyways.

I Always Told Everybody The Perfect Joke Would Be Where The Setup And Punch Line Were Identical.

Back In The Old Days, A Man Could Just Get Sick And Die. Now They Have To Wage A Battle. So My Uncle Bert Is Waging A Courageous Battle, Which I've Seen, Because I Go And Visit Him. And This Is The Battle: He's Lying In The Hospital Bed, With A Thing In His Arm, Watching Matlock On The Tv.