Money Can't Buy You Happiness, But It

I Can Teach You To Jump Up In Five Seconds-it Takes Years To Learn How To Land Properly.

I Know That People Think I'm A Party King; But, Face It, If I Finished The Bottle Every Time I Took A Drink, I Wouldn't Be Able To Do The Aerials I Do Onstage.

You Can Really Bring So Much More To Rock'n'roll. Rock'n'roll Is The Most Accepting, Is The Most Fertile Ground For Creating Hybrid Forms Of Music And Hybrid Forms Of Show, If You Draw From Many, Many Different Wells. It's Just Unfortunate So Many Rock'n'roll Stars Only Bother To Learn How To Play Like Led Zeppelin And/or The Rolling Stones And That's What You Get, Disc After Disc And Show After Show.

Classic Van Halen Made People Want To Dance And F**k. Modern Van Halen Makes You Want To Drink Milk And Drive Foreign Cars.

I Knew Already When I Was Seven Years Old, That I Wanted To Be On Stage And Entertain People. I Sell Laughs. Here, You Got One For Free!