Martinis Are Like Breasts, One Isn't Enough,

You Cover Q-tips With Sandpaper And Ram Them Up Your Nostrils As Far As They Will Go. Then You Sniff Talcum Powder While Shredding Hundred Dollar Bills.

The Only Thing Wrong With Immortality Is That It Tends To Go On Forever.

We (san Francisco) Have Football Weather During Baseball Season, And Baseball Weather During Football Season.

A Good Column Is One That Sells Paper. It Doesn't Matter How Beautifully It Is Written And How Much You Admire The Author... If It Doesn't Sell Any Papers, It's Not A Good Column. It's A Terrible Yardstick To Use, But In The Newspaper Business, That's The Whole Thing.

God! I Loove This City!