Lesbians Have Never Been More Popular.

The National Association Of Theater Concessionaires Reported That In 1986, 60% Of All Candy Sold In Movie Theaters Was Sold To Roger Ebert.

By Accident Jeb Bush Announced That He Was Running For President. And Then He Said, 'no, Not Yet. Ok, I Made A Mistake.' And Then Later In The Day, By Accident, He Called Hillary And Congratulated Her.

There's Already Been Some Trouble For Osama Bin Laden In The Afterlife. There Was A Mix Up And He Was Greeted By 72 Vegans.

I Mean You Think About The Guy, The Nigerian Guy, Who Was Going To Blow Up The Plane. He Was Wearing A Pair Of Fruit Of The Lunatic. ... Guy Was Not Too Bright. He Said That The Reason He Became A Suicide Bomber Was To Work His Way Up In The Al Qaeda Organization.

And Now The Really Difficult Part: We Have To Rebuild Iraq Into A Strong And Independent Nation That Will One Day Hate The United States.