Last Year My Wife Ran Off With

A Square Egg In A Dish Of Lentils Won't Make A Marrow Bend With The Wind, Nor Will It Make Rhubarb Grow Up The Milkmaid's Leg.

In Awe, I Watched The Waxing Moon Ride Across The Zenith Of The Heavens Like An Ambered Chariot Towards The Ebony Void Of Infinite Space Wherein The Tethered Belts Of Jupiter And Mars Hang, For Ever Festooned In Their Orbital Majesty. And As I Looked At All This I Thought... I Must Put A Roof On This Toilet.

My Wife Is A Sex Object - Every Time I Ask For Sex, She Objects.

I Saw Six Men Kicking And Punching The Mother-in-law. My Neighbour Said 'are You Going To Help?' I Said 'no, Six Should Be Enough.'

I Took The Wife's Family Out For Tea Biscuits. They Weren't Too Happy About Having To Give Blood Though.