Kennedy Didn't Beat Nixon. Satire Beat Nixon.

The Government Hates Rap. That's Why They Don't Arrest Anybody That Kills Rappers! Only The Good Ones Are Dead, Man! Only The Good Ones: Biggie Dead, Tupac Dead, Vanilla Ice Still Alive! They Don't Fill Out A Police Report. They Don't Even Have A Chalk Line When It's A Dead Rapper, They Just Take A Piss Around The Body.

A Comedy Club Is A Place Where You Work Out Material, You're Trying Material.

Comedy Is The Blues For People Who Can’t Sing.

We Americans Commercialize Everything. Look At What We Did To Christmas. Christmas Is Jesus' Birthday. Now, I Don't Know Jesus, But From What I Read He Was The Least Materialistic Person Who Ever Walked The Earth. No Bling On Jesus. He Kept A Low Profile And We Turned His Birthday Into The Most Commercial Day Of The Year. In Fact We Have A Whole Jesus Birthday Season. And Then At The End Of It, We Have The Nerve To Have An Economist Come On Tv And Say What A Horrible Jesus Birthday Season We Had.

I Am Just Here To Support The President Of The United States. President Of The United States Is Our Boss, But He Is Also... You Know, The President And The First Lady Are Kinda Like The Mom And The Dad Of The Country. And When Your Dad Says Something You Listen, And When You Don't It Will Usually Bite You On The Ass Later On. So, I'm Here To Support The President.