Kennedy Didn't Beat Nixon. Satire Beat Nixon.

My Goals Were Small. My Goal Was To Become A Big Enough Stand-up That I Wouldn't Have To Do Radio. I Could Sell Out A Club, Which Is Like 300 Seats. If I Got Big Enough, I Could Sell Before I Got There, And I Wouldn't Have To Get Up At 6 In The Morning To Do Radio. That Was Pretty Much The Dream. I Had No Idea I'd Be Playing Madison Square Garden Or Anything.

I Can't Cook, But I Have A Nice Book Of Menus... And I Can Plate And Set The Table.

Black People Have Been Qualified To Be President For Hundreds Of Years. George Washington Carver Could Have Been President. I Could Go On With A List Of Black Men That Were Qualified To Be The President Of The United States. So The Obama Victory Is Progress For White People.

Black Comics, They Only Watch Black Comedians. You're A Comedian; You're Not Just A Black Comedian. You're A Comedian. I Try To Get That Through To Everybody.

I Literally Don't Know What I'm Going To Do Next. That's Successful.