I've Put On A Lot Of Weight...

When Anyone Hurts Us, My Wife And I Sit In Our Japanese Sand Garden And Drink Iced Tea. There Are Five Stone In The Garden - For Sky, Wind, Fire, Water, And Earth. We Sit And Think Of Five Of The Nicest Things We Can About The Person Who Hurt Us. If He Hurts Us A Second Time, We Do The Same Thing. The Third Time, We Light A Candle, And He Is, For Us, Dead.

I Left Home Because I Was Hungry.

If I Can Make People Smile, Then I Have Served My Purpose For God.

Today's Comics Use Four-letter Words As A Shortcut To Thinking. They're Shooting For That Big Laugh And It Becomes A Panic Thing, Using Four-letter Words To Shock People.

Laughter Has Always Brought Me Out Of Unhappy Situations.