I've Never Been Lucky. The Day My

My Wife Isn't Very Bright. The Other Day She Was At The Store, And Just As She Was Heading For Our Car, Someone Stole It! I Said, "did You See The Guy That Did It?" She Said, "no, But I Got The License Plate."

I Saved A Girl From Being Attacked Last Night. I Controlled Myself.

I Can't Figure Women Out. They Put On Makeup For Three Hours. They Wear Things That Make Them Smaller. Things That Make Them Bigger. Then They Meet A Man And They Want Truth.

Last Week My Tie Caught On Fire, Some Guy Tried To Put It Out With An Axe.

My Doctor Told Me To Watch My Drinking. Now I Drink In Front Of A Mirror.