I've Been On So Many Blind Dates,

Is There A Doctor In The House? My Parents Want Me To Marry You.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?

I Went To The 30th Reunion Of My Preschool. I Didn't Want To Go, Because I've Put On Like A Hundred Pounds.

The Only Way To Really Have Safe Sex Is To Abstain. From Drinking.

I Go Running When I Have To. When The Ice Cream Truck Is Doing Sixty.