I've Always Been Able To Cook Italian

Although I Get A Lot Of Specialty Services Like Wraps, Scrubs, And Mustache Removal, My Favorite Is The Simple Manicure/pedicure. They Work On Your Hands And Feet At The Same Time While You Sit In A Vibrating Chair. I Call It The Sorority Girls Version Of A Threesome.

I Never Ever, Ever Say Anything Against My Husband To Anyone Except My Husband. Everyone Gets In Fights, And I Think The Natural Propensity For Women Is, 'oh I Want To Talk To Someone.' But The Minute You Take What Bothers You Outside The Bond Between You And Your Husband, You Let Someone Else Into The Relationship And That Causes A Wedge.

Some People Are Destined To Be Deep Thinkers. I Am Not One Of Those People.

When I Hug Her, I Notice She's Still Wearing Yesterday's False Eyelashes. Mom? You Know Those Come Off With A Little Makeup Remover And A Cotton Pad?" I'm Not Taking Them Off." Why Not?" I Spent $180 On That Makeup Job And I Refuse To Wash My Face Until I Get My Money's Worth.

Over The Summer We Chatted One Night While Angie Stripped A Bed, Changed Wet Sheets, Comforted And Repajamaed A Toddler, And Chased Down A Car Of Speeding Teenagers While Shaking A Brick At Them, Never Once Interrupting The Conversation Or Setting Down Her Margarita. The Only Reason This Woman Isn't President Of General Motors Is Because She's Chosen Not To Be.