No Matter How Happy Anyone Is With

The Best Thing About Being 45 Is Not Taking Myself So Seriously. Do I Miss The Package I Came In At 25? I Do. Gravity Is No One's Friend. Yet The Perspective I've Gained Is So Worth The Wear And Tear. What Would Have Mortified Me At 25 Is Now Simply Fodder For A Funny, Relatable Story. Also? I Was A Waitress At 25, And Now I'm An Author. Forty-five Is Definitely Better.

When I Hug Her, I Notice She's Still Wearing Yesterday's False Eyelashes. Mom? You Know Those Come Off With A Little Makeup Remover And A Cotton Pad?" I'm Not Taking Them Off." Why Not?" I Spent $180 On That Makeup Job And I Refuse To Wash My Face Until I Get My Money's Worth.

I Believe That I Have Such A Vanilla Life.

Fletch Then Kisses Me On The Forehead Before Opening The Cabinet Under The Coffeemaker To Grab Placemats And Napkins. Retrieving These Items Is His Job Because I Kind Of Don't Like To Bend. I Also Refuse To Carry Anything Heavier Than My Purse.

When Did The Cell Phone Become A License To Be Rude? And Why Must I Be Subjected To Your Personal Conversations?