In The Spirit Of The Olympic Games,

At&t Is Now Offering A New Service That Allows You To Pay Your Bills Through Your Tv Screen By Using Your Remote Control. So Instead Of Saying, "the Check's In The Mail," People Are Going To Say, "hey, I Wanted To Pay, But I Couldn't Find The Remote."

French Troops Arrived In Afghanistan Last Week, And Not A Minute Too Soon. The French Are Acting As Advisers To The Taliban, To Teach Them How To Surrender Properly.

The 99 Cent Only Store Is Calling Itself Your Valentine's Day Headquarters. Guys, If That's Your Valentine's Day Headquarters, You Can Also Call The Garage Your New Home.

Starbuck's Is Going To Start Selling Instant Coffee. This Is For People Who Want The Quality Of Sanka, But Want To Pay The High Starbuck's Price.

President Bush Said This Iraq Situation Looks Like 'the Rerun Of A Bad Movie.' Well Sure, There's A Bush In The White House, The Economy's Going To Hell, We're Going To War Over Oil. I've Seen This Movie, Haven't I?