In America, Any Boy Can Grow Up

I Think We Should Just Tip The Government If It Does A Good Job. Fifteen Percent Is The Standard Tip, Isn't It?

I Admit I Do Have Some Drawbacks And Limitations As A Candidate. Although I Am A Professional Comedian, Some Of My Critics Maintain That This Is Not Enough. I Cannot Deny That I Stand Before You Untested And Inexperienced - I Only Spent Two Years In Television, Never As A Romantic Lead Or A Song And Dance Man.

I Came Down To Orange Because I Sold The Smothers Brothers A Song Called 'chocolate,' And That Gave Me Enough Money To Move Down Here. I Was Washing Windows Down In Orange County When They Called Me Up And Said They Wanted Me To Do Their Tv Show.

In Opposition To Sex Education: Let The Kids Today Learn It Where We Did - In The Gutter.

They Said I Ignored The Drug Problem. Well, I Gave Speeches On Drugs, I Wrote Books On Drugs. I Did Darn Near Everything On Drugs!