I Just Like Doing Standup, That's All

It's Tough To Know Who's Better In Cliff Diving. Like, You See A Guy Diving Off A Cliff And You Go, Oh, Man, A Guy Diving Off A Cliff! And Then Another Guy'd Dive- Oh, There's Another Guy Diving Off A Cliff There. But You Can't Tell Who's Better, Y'know? Like, Uh- If You Survive At All, Hey, You're A Great- You're A Great Cliff Diver There. There's Only Two Classifications In Cliffdiving. There's, Uh- 'grand Champion' And Then, Uh- 'stuff On A Rock.' Very Hard To Make A Comeback In That Sport, I'll Tell You That.

Back In The Old Days, A Man Could Just Get Sick And Die. Now They Have To Wage A Battle. So My Uncle Bert Is Waging A Courageous Battle, Which I've Seen, Because I Go And Visit Him. And This Is The Battle: He's Lying In The Hospital Bed, With A Thing In His Arm, Watching Matlock On The Tv.

In Giving Advice, Aptitude Is Often Less To Be Considered, Than Seasonableness.

Actually, With Those Dirty Movies, I Find Like, They're Good For About Fifteen, Twenty Minutes. I'm Really Interested. And, Then, Uh, There's One Point, That All Of A Sudden I'm Bored. You Know? I Just Lose Interest Completely And I Feel Deeply Ashamed.

Love Is An Artful Arrangement Of Artless Pretensions, Whereby We Labor To Appear Innocent In What We Desire To Be Most Cunning.