I'm Quitting The Business Today. I'm Going

When I'm Looking For Hot Button Answers To Tough Questions, I Don't Look To Congressman Or My Mayor. I Say, 'what Would Miss U.s.a. Have To Say About This?'

I Feel Like The Gods Have Certainly Patted Me On The Head.

I Was Being Chased By A Giant Crab. That's Not Funny.

If You Lie To A Person At Least Tell Someone Else You've Lied To The Truth. It Balances Out Your Karma.

If You Think Your Demeanor Is Mellow Or Not Particularly Charismatic, The Material Can Life You Higher. So Write Everyday, And Get Onstage Or In A Coffee Shop Where They Are Doing Open Mice, Anywhere You Can Perform Even If That Means Starting Your Own Open Mic Night - And Be Your Own Self.