Are You Shooting Webs Of Stupid At

My Day Jobs... I Knew I Was Bad At Those, So I Didn't Really Have The Confidence To Think That I Could Do Comedy. But I Knew I Hated The Day Jobs.

Next Time Your Lady Leaves The Room, Take A Dump On The Floor! 'cuz There Is Nothing More Mysterious Than A Dump On The Floor! And It Always Starts A Conversation, Am I Right? Honey, What Happened? You Better Hold Me 'cause I'm Afraid.

My Cousin Had A Baby And I Was Watching Her Breastfeed For A Couple Of Bucks, And I'll Tell You Ladies: It's Amazing.

I Don't Have A Girlfriend But Sometimes I Like To Pretend I Do. I Just Stand In My Apartment Screaming No, That's Not What I Said!

I Used To Do Drugs, But That Was Way Back There.