I'm Not Going To Lie To You

When You Did Impressions On 'madtv,' The Producers Gave You A Walkman That Played Huge Sections Of Whatever Movie Was Being Parodied, With Your Character's Catchphrases Recorded On A Loop. You'd Wear This Thing Around During Rehearsals And For A Week Listen To The Voice You Had To Impersonate Over And Over Again. It Drove All Of Us Crazy.

I Was At Yankee Stadium One Time At 5 A.m., But That Was To Buy Angel Dust

Well I Have A Drug History And A Public Drinking Problem And I Am Not The Healthiest Guy. So They Just Ran That I Died Of A Drug Overdose.

Comedians, We're Just People Who Whine. But We Happen To Be Funny When We Whine.

When Political Correctness First Started Coming Around, It Ruined Andrew Dice Clay And Eddie Murphy's Stand-up Career. Sam Kinison Died At Just The Right Time, 'cause No One Was Going To Tolerate What He Was Saying Anymore Either.