I'm Looking For Loopholes. (said When Caught

During One Of My Treks Through Afghanistan, We Lost Our Corkscrew. We Were Compelled To Live On Food And Water For Several Days.

All Englishmen Talk As If They've Got A Bushel Of Plums Stuck In Their Throats, And Then After Swallowing Them Get Constipated From The Pips.

Don't Worry About Your Heart, It Will Last You As Long As You Live.

If I Ever Found A Church That Didn't Believe In Knocking All The Other Churches, I Might Consider Joining It.

Thou Shalt Not Kill Anything Less Than A Fifth.