Scotch Needs Water Like A Fish Needs

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

It's Morally Wrong To Allow A Sucker To Keep His Money.

The Two-headed Boy In The Circus Never Had Such A Headache.

The First Thing Any Comedian Does On Getting An Unscheduled Laugh Is To Verify The State Of His .

I Used To Be Indecisive, Now I'm Not So Sure.