Scotch Needs Water Like A Fish Needs

You Can Fool Some Of The People Some Of The Time -- And That's Enough To Make A Decent Living.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

My Heart Is A Bargain Today. Will You Take It?

I Could Juggle Anything In My Day. Balls, Cigar Boxes, Knives...but There Was One Thing I Could Never Juggle. My Income Tax.

I Like My Films To Influence The Audience. Even If It Means Tripping Their Aged Grandparents With A Cane When They Get Home.