I'm Learning Cuban. It's Like Spanish, But

My Grandmother's Brain Was Dead, But Her Heart Was Still Beating. It Was The First Time We Ever Had A Democrat In The Family.

My Ex-girlfriend Was Very Sexy. She Reminded Me Of The Sphinx Because She Was Very Mysterious And Eternal And Solid...and Her Nose Was Shot Off By French Soldiers.

I Was Sleeping The Other Night, Alone, Thanks To The Exterminator.

I Pray A Simple Prayer Every Morning. It's An Ecumenical Prayer. Whether You're Catholic Or Jewish Or Muslim Or Hindu, I Think It Speaks To The Heart Of Every Faith. It Goes “lord Please Break The Laws Of The Universe For My Convenience. Amen.”

I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy With Black Fingernails. Now She Thinks I Slammed The Car Door On Her Hand On Purpose.