I'm Handsome, No Ands, Buts Or Ifs.

You Know, In The 1970's, When I Was In High School, I Belonged To A Band Called The Happy Funk Band. Until An Unfortunate Typo Caused Us To Be Expelled From School.

Nine Out Of Ten Americans Believe That Out Of Ten People, One Person Will Always Disagree With The Other Nine!

When You Kill Someone By Chopping Off Their Head, Rolling 'em Up In A Carpet And Burning It, You'd Better Make Sure They're Dead!

The Comedy Community Is Fairly Supportive Of Human Beings In General. There Are Some Things You Can Teach With Comedy That People Can't Learn By Being Hit Over The Head With Facts. I Think, As Comedians, We're Trying To Change The World. It's Slow, But Sure.

I Believe It Was Shakespeare Who Said, 'all The World's A Stage, And You Are Crap!'