I'm Handsome, No Ands, Buts Or Ifs.

Hi. There Was A Big Accident, Some People Got Decapitated, Here Are Their Names... You Know What? That Shirt Really Makes You Look Fat. I Mean, The Colour's All Wrong... I Mean, Who Shot The Drapes?

Nine Out Of Ten Americans Believe That Out Of Ten People, One Person Will Always Disagree With The Other Nine!

This Just In: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Our Top Story Tonight: Famous Tv Dolphin Flipper Was Arrested Today On Prostitution Ring Charges. He Allegedly Was Seen Transporting Two 16 Year Olds Across State Line For Immoral Porpoises.

The Comedy Community Is Fairly Supportive Of Human Beings In General. There Are Some Things You Can Teach With Comedy That People Can't Learn By Being Hit Over The Head With Facts. I Think, As Comedians, We're Trying To Change The World. It's Slow, But Sure.