I'm From Such An Old Family, It's

... If They [your Children] Write Their Names In The Dust On The Furniture, Don't Let Them Put The Year.

My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.

Any Time Three New Yorkers Get Into A Cab Without An Argument, A Bank Has Just Been Robbed.

My Eight-year-old Bought A Bicycle With The Money He Saved By Not Smoking.

My Own Laugh Is The Real Thing And I've Had It All My Life.