I'm From Such An Old Family, It's

My Mother-in-law Had A Pain Beneath Her Left Breast. Turned Out To Be A Trick Knee.

When I Go To The Beach, My Grandchildren Try To Make Words Out Of The Veins In My Legs. That's Why I Still Take The Pill; I Don't Want Any More Grandchildren.

The Constants All Through The Centuries Will Be The Same; Wine, Women And Song. Other Than That, Life Will Be Very Different Technologically. In The Year 3000 The Universe Will Be Expanding As It Will Forever, Infinitely. We Will Probe Outer Space But Never Find Life As Evolutionized As Ours. We Were Not Created By A Deity. We Created The Deity In Our Image. Life Began On This Planet When The First Amoeba Split. Mankind Will Still Be Seeking God, Not Accepting That God Is A Spirit; Can't See It, Touch It, Only Feel It. It's Called Love.

Carry An Oar When You Drive. Three Times I've Ended Up In Water.

When You Play Spin The Bottle, If They Don't Want To Kiss You They Have To Give You A Quarter. Well, Hell, By The Time I Was Twelve Years Old I Owned My Own Home.