You Know You're Old If They Have

A Smile Is A Curve That Sets Everything Straight.

How Do You Know They're Growing Up? Well, The Bite Marks Are Higher.

We Have Far Too Many Kids. At One Time In The Playpen There Was Standing-room Only. It Looked Like A Bus Stop For Midgets. It Used To Get So Damp In There, We'd Have A Rainbow Above It.

Never Refer To Your Wedding Night As The Original Amateur Hour.

I Never Made `who's Who,' But I'm Featured In `what's That?'