You Know You're Old If They Have

Mothers-in-law Do Not Make Good House Pets. Once I Had The Most Wonderful Dream -- I Dreamed That Mothers-in-law Cost Money And I Couldn't Afford One.

Before You Get Married You Should Meet Your Fiance's Parents. It Is Not Enough That You Like His Parole Officer.

A Smile Is A Curve That Sets Everything Straight.

[on Plastic Surgery:] When I Die, God Won't Know Me. There Are No Two Parts Of My Body The Same Age.

There Isn't Any (afterlife), You Dingbat! This Is It, Baby! Enjoy, Carefully! Religion Is Such A Medieval Idea. Don't Get Me Started. I Have Thought About Every Facet Of Religion And I Can't Buy Any Of It. So God Made Man In His Own Image? It's Just The Other Way Around. Man Made God In His Own Image. It's All About Money.