I'm A Doofus From The Valley, A

This Is Why The Terrorists Hate Us. And It's Not The Glitter And It's Not The Pomp And Circumstance. We've Got Black And White, We've Got Hispanic And Asian, We Got Gay, Straight, And Guttenberg, All Working Together For One Common Goal: To Get The Mirror Ball. And The Mirror Ball Doesn't Care What Color You Are, And It Doesn't Care How Rich Your Parents Are, And It Doesn't Care What God You Pray To. It's An Even Wooden Floor, And May The Best Man Or Woman Win. And I Say God Bless Dancing With The Stars, And God Bless The Usa.

The Shuttle Is The Worst $20 You'll Ever Save. It Adds 90 Minutes To Whatever A Town Car Or Cab Would Have Been. You Have The Unenviable Choice Between Being Dropped Off Last Or Being Dropped Off First And Having A Bunch Of Losers Who Can't Afford Cab Fare And Have No Friends Or Loved Ones With Cars Knowing Exactly Where You Live.

If You're Conservative In Hollywood, You're On A List Of People Who Need To Be Put In Their Place.

Wearing Crocs Is Like Getting Blown By A Dude. It Feels Great Until You Look Down And Realize You're Gay.

I've Always Boxed, I Always Taught Boxing.