If You're A Man And You Have

Why Is Electricity So Expensive These Days? Why Does It Cost So Much For Something I Can Make With A Balloon And My Hair?

I Find It Shocking That Anybody Can Be Brought Down In D.c. For Gossip, Ostensibly. I Thought That Was The Coin Of The Realm There. That's Like Getting Hit With Lightning On A Cloudless Day.

I Have A Nice House. And When Somebody Says It's A Palace, I Always Feel Like We're Digging A Little Or Something.

The Good Thing About Pittsburgh, It's A Good Place To Be Raised... It Doesn't Tolerate Assholes. You're Either A Good Guy Or You're A Bad Guy... When I'm In Los Angeles Having These Incredibly Surreal Moments Where Nobody's Saying Anything And Everybody's Talking Incessantly, I Always Have That Pittsburgh Voice In My Head - Shut Up, Smile, Get The Job, Move On.

The White House Looked Into A Plan That Would Allow Illegal Immigrants To Stay In The United States. The Plan Called For A Million Mexicans To Marry A Million Of Our Ugliest Citizens.