If You Were Married To Marilyn Monroe,

Since I've Made It To 87 So Far, Obviously My Two Kids And My Seven Grandchildren Haven't Been Too Hard On Me. On The Other Hand, The Fact That I Have An Unlisted Phone Number And Move A Lot Might Have Something To Do With It.

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.

As Long As You're Working, You Stay Young.

Tennis Is A Young Man's Game. Until You're 25, You Can Play Singles. From 25 To 35, You Should Play Doubles. I Won't Tell You Exactly How Old I Am, But When I Played, There Were 28 Men On The Court - Just On My Side Of The Net.

With The Collapse Of Vaudeville New Talent Has No Place To Stink.