If You Want To Get Rich From

Between The Years Of Ninety-two And A Hundred And Two, However, We Shall Be The Ribald, Useless, Drunken, Outcast Person We Have Always Wished To Be. We Shall Have A Long White Beard And Long White Hair; We Shall Not Walk At All, But Recline In A Wheel Chair And Bellow For Alcoholic Beverages; In The Winter We Shall Sit Before The Fire With Our Feet In A Bucket Of Hot Water, A Decanter Of Corn Whiskey Near At Hand, And Write Ribald Songs Against Organized Society... We Look Forward To A Disreputable, Vigorous, Unhonoured, And Disorderly Old Age.

From 'the Lesson Of The Moth': And Before I Could Argue Him Out Of His Philosophy He Went And Immolated Himself On A Patent Cigar Lighter I Do Not Agree With Him Myself I Would Rather Have Half The Happiness And Twice The Longevity But At The Same Time I Wish There Was Something I Wanted As Badly As He Wanted To Fry Himself

A Pessimist Is A Person Who Has Had To Listen To Too Many Optimists.

A Great Many People Who Spend Their Time Mourning Over The Brevity Of Life Could Make It Seem Longer If They Did A Little More Work.

If You Want To Get Rich From Writing, Write The Sort Of Thing That's Read By Persons Who Move Their Lips When They're Reading To Themselves.