If You Retain Nothing Else, Always Remember

You Can Fix It As Soon As You Get Up - You Brush And Use Mouthwash - But There’s Something About Knowing You Woke Up With Hot-mothball Mouth That Makes You Feel Old. I Think God Designed Our Mouths To Die First To Help Us Slowly Transition To The Grave.

I Work, And Then Whenever I Have Any Other Time, I'm With My Daughter, And Then I Go To Sleep. I Think You Basically Have To Abandon The Dreams Of Having Any Other Adult Activities In Your Life. You Have To Go To Sleep Whenever Your Child Goes To Sleep. That's Basically How We're Doing It.

Politics And Prostitution Have To Be The Only Jobs Where Inexperience Is Considered A Virtue. In What Other Profession Would You Brag About Not Knowing Stuff? “i’m Not One Of Those Fancy Harvard Heart Surgeons. I’m Just An Unlicensed Plumber With A Dream And I’d Like To Cut Your Chest Open.” The Crowd Cheers.

I Don't Like My Feet. I'm Not Crazy About Anybody's Feet. But I Have Flat Feet.

My Parents Are Very Well-behaved. If Anything, If My Mom Were Here Right Now, She Would Hug And Kiss Every One Of You Hello, And Then She Would Feed You.