If You Don't Think You're Funny, No

We Don't Apologize For A Joke. We Are Comics. We Are Here To Make You Laugh. If You Don't Get It, Then Don't Watch Us.

Emotional Troubles Are Like Landfill. Get Them Outside, And The Air Disintegrates Them.

She's So Fat, She's My Two Best Friends.

What Could Be Nicer Than To Have Three Horrible Children Behind You In An Airplane, And The Next Set, You Go Onstage And You Talk About How Much You Despise The Children And What You Would Like To Do To Them On An Airplane? That's The Only Time I Would Gladly Take A Terrorist On. It'd Be Worth It To Get Rid Of These Children.

I've Learned To Have Absolutely No Regrets About Any Jokes I've Ever Done. You Can Tune Me Out, You Can Click Me Off, It's Ok. I Am Not Going To Bow To Political Correctness.