Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

I Lived To Be On Stage, And I'm Terrified. Terrified Before Every Show.

I Was Just Reading About The New Lindsay Lohan Diet, Which Is All Liquid. 80 Proof.

Comedy Exists To Laugh At Things That Aren't Laughable. But Isn't It? That's What Separates Us From The Animals. We Laugh.

She's So Pure, Moses Couldn't Even Part Her Knees.

I Adore My Apartment In New York. It Was A Ballroom That I Remade, So It's Like A Loft But Done By Louis The Fifteenth.