If You Can't Tell A Spoon From

The Best Way To Make Somebody Feel Important Is To Try To Assassinate Them.

Here Is A Tip For All You Young People Drinking Wine. With Pasta, Drink White Wine. With Steak, Drink Red Wine. And If You're Vegan, You're Annoying.

I Was Walking In The Park And This Guy Waved At Me. Then He Said, 'i'm Sorry, I Thought You Were Someone Else.' I Said, 'i Am.'

I Think My Favorite Sound Is The Sound Of Someone Not Playing The Bongos.

I Used To Play Sports. Then I Realized You Can Buy Trophies. Now I Am Good At Everything.