Regarding The Marching Band: How Much More

If You Want To Feel Less Sexy Put Scotch Tape On Your Nipples.

The Problem With My Balloon Collection Is That People Always Think There's A Party. Settle Down. It's Not A Party. It's Just Balloons.

If I Think Of A Joke That's Really Dirty And I Think It's Funny I'll Try It But What I've Found Over The Years Is They Just Don't Laugh. It Doesn't Work Coming Out Of My Mouth So It's Like They Taught Me 'don't Do That. Don't Go That Way Or You'll Lose Me.'

A Glove Is A Very Literal Looking Hand Puppet.

I Never Give Anyone Just One Congratulation. Congratulations Are Always Plural. They Are Similar To Grapes.