If You Can't Say Something Nice About

If You Have Nothing Good To Say About Anyone, Come And Sit With Me.

My Father Always Wanted To Be The Corpse At Every Funeral, The Bride At Every Wedding And The Baby At Every Christening.

I Live By Three Rules: I Eat When I'm Hungry, Sleep When I'm Tired And Scratch When I Itch.

You Can't Make Souffle Rise Twice.

If You Haven't Got Anything Nice To Say About Anybody, Come Sit Next To Me.