If You Can't Join Them, Beat Them.

Women Want Their Men To Be Cops. They Want You To Punish Them And Tell Them What The Limits Are. The Only Thing That Women Hate Worse From A Man Than Being Slapped Is When You Get On Your Knees And Say You're Sorry.

Reagan Won Because He Ran Against Jimmy Carter. If He Ran Unopposed He Would Have Lost.

I Don't Believe In Good People And Bad People. I Believe In The Better Parts Of People.

A Yuppie Is Someone Who Believes It's Courageous To Eat In A Restaurant That Hasn't Been Reviewed Yet.

Professional Comedians, Surprisingly, Have A Lack Of Humor. They're Insensitive To The Insanity Of Our Times.