A Conservative Is Someone Who Believes In

Washington Couldn't Tell A Lie, Nixon Couldn't Tell The Truth, And Reagan Couldn't Tell The Difference.

If You Were The Only Person Left On The Planet, I Would Have To Attack You. That's My Job.

A Conservative Doesn't Want Anything To Happen For The First Time; A Liberal Feels It Should Happen, But Not Now.

A Political Satirist's Job Is To Draw Blood. I'm Not So Much Interested In Politics As I Am In Overthrowing The Government.

Women Want Their Men To Be Cops. They Want You To Punish Them And Tell Them What The Limits Are. The Only Thing That Women Hate Worse From A Man Than Being Slapped Is When You Get On Your Knees And Say You're Sorry.