If You Can Make Just One Person

One Man's Pet-stained Carpet Is Another Man's Twister Game.

When I Was A Kid, My Favourite Time Of The Year When I Was Child Was That Magical First Snowfall. I'd Yell Yippee! Snow! And Run Up To The Front Door And Shout You Know The Deal... You Have To Let Me In Now.

In College I Was One Of Six Males Who Auditioned For Five Male Roles In A Comedy Play. I Was The One Rejected. At That Moment I Made Up My Mind Never To Place Myself At The Mercy Of Some Pompous, Goateed, Black-turtleneck-shirted "should I Yay Him Or Nay Him?" Pantywaist Ever Again.

I Caught My Wife In Bed With My Best Friend The Other Day. I Was Crushed. They Could Have Waited Till I'd Got Out.

I Wanted To Get From 4th Street To 8th... Then I Remembered Einstein Postulating That Parallel Lines Eventually Meet. They're Dredging My Car From Lake Michigan As We Speak.