If You Can Make Just One Person

I Think Fur Looks Better On An Animal Than On A Human Being. So I Dress My Dog In A Mink Teddy.

When I Was A Kid I Used To Pray Every Night For A New Bicycle. Then I Realised That The Lord Doesn't Work That Way So I Stole One And Asked Him To Forgive Me.

My Girlfriend Said, Just Buy Me Something Crazy And Expensive, Something I Don't Even Need! So, I Signed Her Up For Radiation Treatment.

Every Time I See Dan Quayle I Feel Like Buying A Vowel.

What Is Eternity? You're On The Checkout Line At A Supermarket. There Are Seven People In Front Of You. They Are All Old. They All Have Two Carts And Coupons For Every Item. They Are All Paying By Check. None Of Them Have Id. It's The Checkout Girl's First Day On The Job. She Doesn't Speak Any English. Take Away Fifteen Minutes From That, And You Begin To Get An Idea Of What Eternity Is.