England Is Better Only Because I Stand

I Was At The Wal-mart, Which Is Where I Think Everybody Goes Eventually. If They Die Without Christ.

I Was Sick Of People Making Fun Of My Hair And So I Cut It Off And I've Got Much More Attention Than Ever Before. It Was Like When Mona Lisa Was Stolen From The Louvre In 1906 - Three Times More People Came To See Where It Used To Be.

Lord Please Break The Laws Of The Universe For My Convenience. Amen.

I Read That Nine Out Of 10 Women Fantasize About Having An Unknown Man Leap Through Their Bedroom Window At Night And Make Mad, Passionate Love To Them. Who Would Think With Those Odds, I Would Now Be Facing 150 Hours Of Community Service.

It's Amazing Where A Joke Might Come From. I Find A Lot Of Humour Just By Metaphorically Turning Things Upside Down Or Literally Like My Wife's Cat.