England Is Better Only Because I Stand

I Don't Know If I Was Put On This Earth For A Purpose Or Not. But I'm Fairly Confident That I'll Be Taken Off Of It For One.

Thinking Up Jokes Is Easy. The Hard Part Is Trying Them Out On Stage, Because You Never Know If They're Funny Until You Get There. Not One Comedian In The World Ever Really Knows.

Sex Is Logically Impossible After Marriage. You Have To Overcome The Paradox Of Not This Again, And Hey, Where Did You Learn That?

When I Was 10, I Beat Up The School Bully. His Arms Were In Casts. That's What Gave Me The Courage.

I'm Totally Normal In Every Respect, But I Have This One Quirk - I Can't Give Out A Number Without Laughing. It's A Problem When I'm Giving My Credit Card Number Over The Phone Because They Always Think: 'he Must Have Just Stolen It.'