When I Wake Up In The Morning,

The American Government Is Making Nuclear Weapons Like There's No Tomorrow.

When I Was A Kid, My Nickname Was Mr. Baseball. Because Of The Stitches.

I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000 For Plastic Surgery And Now I Don't Know What He Looks Like.

What Is Eternity? You're On The Checkout Line At A Supermarket. There Are Seven People In Front Of You. They Are All Old. They All Have Two Carts And Coupons For Every Item. They Are All Paying By Check. None Of Them Have Id. It's The Checkout Girl's First Day On The Job. She Doesn't Speak Any English. Take Away Fifteen Minutes From That, And You Begin To Get An Idea Of What Eternity Is.

Coming Up With A Funny Joke Is Like Falling In Love: It Can Hit You Any Time, Anywhere. Having Said That, The More You Put Yourself Out There, The Better Your Odds Will Be.