If Someone Else Is Paying For It,

The Joy Of The Roasts Is To Watch People Get Hurt And Offended, And Then Have To Laugh To Pretend They're A Good Sport.

I Have Always Felt Comedy And Tragedy Are Roommates. If You Look Up Comedy And Tragedy, You Will Find A Very Old Picture Of Two Masks. One Mask Is Tragedy. It Looks Like Its Crying. The Other Mask Is Comedy. It Looks Like Its Laughing. Nowadays, We Would Say, How Tasteless And Insensitive. A Comedy Mask Is Laughing At A Tragedy Mask.

I Always Try To Avoid Anything That Has To Do With My Life.

You Can Say "ass," But You Can't Say "asshole." That's Why I Always Cringe When A Character In A Tv Show Refers To Someone As An "ass." Unless You're British, Calling Someone An Ass Really Doesn't Work. But Those Are The Rules Of Television. You Can Be A Dirtbag, But Not A Scumbag.

With Me, Traveling For Work Is Arriving At The Airport, Checking Into The Hotel, Leaving The Hotel The Next Morning At 4 Or 5 To Do Something Like 'the Jimmy And Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' Doing A Bunch Of Those In A Row, Then Going Back To The Hotel, And Then Finally Going To The Club.