If Someone Else Is Paying For It,

The Pressure To Being A Comedian Is Being Funny, But I've Given That Up, So There Is No Pressure Whatsoever.

If I Could Cause World Peace By Taking Someone Out To Lunch, I'd Go, 'well, War Isn't That Terrible.'

I Can't Even Find Someone For A Platonic Relationship, Much Less The Kind Where Someone Wants To See Me Naked.

Every Time Something Pops In My Head, I Think Twice About It And I Do It Anyway.

I'd Like To Have A Kid, But I'd Probably Get A Frank Sinatra Jr. Instead Of A Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd Totally Screw Up Like That.