If Only We Could Be Old And

An Old Racetrack Joke Reminds You That Your Program Contains All The Winners' Names. I Stare At My Typewriter Keys With The Same Thought.

The Time To Begin Most Things Is Ten Years Ago.

No Matter How Many Christmas Presents You Give Your Child, There's Always That Terrible Moment When He's Opened The Very Last One. That's When He Expects You To Say, 'oh Yes, I Almost Forgot,' And Take Him Out And Show Him The Pony.

A Woman Telling Her True Age Is Like A Buyer Confiding His Final Price To An Armenian Rug Dealer.

They Threaten Me With Lung Cancer, And Still I Smoke And Smoke. If They'd Only Threaten Me With Hard Work, I Might Stop.