If I Were Actually Homer Simpson, I'd

Operator! Give Me The Number For 911!

I Always Enjoyed Writing. I Did Playlets In High School, I Did Radio Shows In College. That's One Of The Reasons I Went Down To Second City, Because You Could Do Acting And Writing.

Oh, Everything's Too Damned Expensive These Days. This Bible Cost 15 Bucks! And Talk About A Preachy Book! Everybody's A Sinner! Except This Guy.

The Simpsons Take Up So Little Time That I'm Able To Do Other Things As Well.

To Many, Homer May Appear Lazy And A Loser, But He's Just Much Misguided. He's Boorish, Sure, But Well Meaning And, I Guess, The One Thing We Have In Common Is The Pursuit Of Lousy Diets.