If I Was To Have Sex With

Everything You Do, Burns Calories. Getting Up In The Morning, 100 Calories; Kicking The Hooker Out Of Your Bed, Another 100; Diapering Your Monkey, 35 Calories; Laughing At A Midget, Fun And 10 Calories; Catching Your Girlfriend With Another Guy, 2000-3000 Calories, Depending On Backswings.

There's A Fine Line Between Masturbating While You Look Out A Window, And Masturbating While You're Looking In A Window. I'll Give You A Hint: One Of 'em Is Super Illegal.

A Lot Of These Kids I Think Are More Content Just To Be On Facebook And The Computer Than They Are To Actually Go Out. They Just Really Want To Get A Picture To Post To Their Buddies, And That's About It.

Don't Get Me Wrong, I Like To Cuddle. But There Is Such A Fine Line Between Cuddling And Holding Someone Down So That They Can't Get Away.

The Voice In My Head Has A Stutter, And That's Really Annoying. D-d-d-dave Dave. What? K-k-k-kill Your P-p-p-parents. L-l-l-loa... Write It Down!