If I Paid $3 Or $4 For

I Drink Coffee With My Right Hand, And I Smoke With My Left. But I Talk With Both Hands.

You Can't Help Getting Older, But You Don't Have To Get Old.

I Smoke Cigars Because At My Age If I Don't Have Something To Hang On To I Might Fall Down.

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.

How Did I Ever Get Sick? I've Already Had Everything.