How Did I Ever Get Sick? I've

I'm Onstage For An Hour.i Do An Hour Of Stand-up. Actually, I Do 10 Minutes Standing Up And 50 Minutes Sitting In A Chair. Oh, Occasionally, I Stand Up Again To Do A Dance Or Put Over A Song. But Mostly I Sit Down. A Great Invention, Sitting Down.

I've Been A Straight Man For So Many Years That From Force Of Habit I Repeat Everything. I Went Out Fishing With A Fellow The Other Day And He Fell Overboard. He Yelled, Help! Help! Help! So I Said, Help? Help? Help? And While I Was Waiting For Him To Get His Laugh, He Drowned.

Fall In Love With What You're Going To Do For A Living. To Be Able To Get Out Of Bed And Do What You Love To Do For The Rest Of The Day Is Beyond Words. I'd Rather Be A Failure In Something I Love Than Be Successful In Something I Hate.

I Never Go Jogging, It Makes Me Spill My Martini.

Retirement At Sixty-five Is Ridiculous. When I Was Sixty-five I Still Had Pimples.