If I Had Been Born Ugly, You

To Call Keegan A Superstar Is Stretching A Point.

Every Team Has A Hard Man. We Has Nobby Stiles, Chelsea Had Chopper, Arsenal Had Peter Storey, Liverpool Had Tommy Smith. Leeds Had Eleven Of Them

If You Make Up Your Own Mind, You Can Only Blame Yourself.

Me And A Mate Picked Up Two Darling Birds And They Took Us Back To Their Flat. I Went Into The Bedroom With My Bird And She Started Getting Undressed. I Was That Drunk I Was Standing There Wondering How To Get Undressed Without Letting Go Of The Award. I Went To Sit On The Bed, Missed It By Four Feet And Ended Up Lying On The Floor. I Remember The Bird Looking Down At Me, And Saying, ‘some Player Of The Year.’ Then I Fell Asleep. I Woke Up Still Clutching My Award And Staggered Out Of The Flat. I Hadn’t A Bloody Clue Where I Was.

People Say I Slept With Seven Miss Worlds, I Didn't. It Was Only Four, I Didn't Turn Up For The Other Three