If I Had A Dollar For Every

I Was On A Bus Once, It Was In The Middle Of The Night, And I Had A Box Of Crackers And A Can Of Easy Cheese. It Was Dark, And It Was A Surprise How Much Cheese I Had Applied On Each Cracker. That's Why They Should Have A Glow-in-the-dark Version Of Easy Cheese. It's Not Like The Product Has Any Integrity To Begin With. If You Buy A Room-temperature Cheese That You Squeeze Out Of A Can, You Probably Won't Get Mad Because It Glows In The Dark Too.

I Have An Idea For Sweatshops: Air Conditioning! That's Simple. 14 Year Old Boys Working Twelve Hour Days? "yeah, But They're Comfortable!"

I`ve Not Really Been Angling To Be A Comedian. I Knew Comics And I Loved Them And I Loved Being Funny, But I Didn't Understand The Whole Concept Of Becoming One. My First Couple Of Times On Stage, I Was Like, "this Is What I'm Doing For Sure." I Was So Excited.

I Was Going To Stay Overnight At My Friend's House - He Said, "you'll Have To Sleep On The Floor." Damn Gravity! You Don't Know How Bad I Wanted To Sleep On The Wall.

I Like It When People Come To See Me Again, But You End Up Playing To That Person Only. You Know There's Other People Out There, But You Also Know That The Person Who Came To See You Again Is There. You're Like, "i Hope He's Happy Again."