I'd Like To Thank The Bbc For

My Mother-in-law Has So Many Wrinkles, When She Smiles She Looks Like A Venetian Blind.

The Wife's Mother Said, ‘when You're Dead, I'll Dance In Your Grave.’ I Said: ‘good, I'm Being Buried At Sea’.

Everyone Has A Family Tree; The Dawsons Have One, It's A Weeping Willow.

With Wives, Men Hide Behind The Air Of Bravado, Which Is Basically A Defence Mechanism, I Think. Clever Creatures, Women. Very Clever.

I'm Often Accused Of Saying Some Pretty Rotten Things About My Mother-in-law. But Quite Honestly, She's Only Got One Major Fault - It's Called Breathing.