I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

You Can't Trust Water: Even A Straight Stick Turns Crooked In It.

I Never Eat Before Breakfast.

My Illness Is Due To My Doctor's Insistence That I Drink Milk, A Whitish Fluid They Force Down Helpless Babies.

I Never Met A Kid I Liked.

There's No Such Thing As A Tough Child - If You Parboil Them First For Seven Hours, They Always Come Out Tender.