I Would Rather Be Living In Philadelphia.

Always Carry A Flagon Of Whiskey In Case Of Snakebite, And Furthermore Always Carry A Small Snake.

The Movie People Would Have Nothing To Do With Me Until They Heard Me Speak In A Broadway Play, Then They All Wanted To Sign Me For The Silent Movies.

A Comic Should Suffer As Much Over A Single Line As A Man With A Hernia Would In Picking Up A Heavy Barbell.

Don't Worry About Your Heart, It Will Last You As Long As You Live.

I Didn't Squawk About The Steak, Dear. I Merely Said I Didn't See That Old Horse That Used To Be Tethered Outside Here.