I Wonder If, As A Society, We

I Am Sometimes Referred To As Excuse Me In An Annoyed Tone Of Voice, Because Apparently I Am In The Way. I Am So Sorry. I Am Supposed To Be Some Sort Of Mind Reader, I Guess. I Am Moving Out Of The Way Now As Slowly As I Possibly Can. I Am Doing This And There's Nothing You Can Do About It.

I Wonder What The Most Intelligent Thing Ever Said Was That Started With The Word 'dude.' 'dude, These Are Isotopes.' 'dude, We Removed Your Kidney. You're Gonna Be Fine.' 'dude, I Am So Stoked To Win This Nobel Prize. I Just Wanna Thank Kevin, And Turtle, And All My Homies.'

I Started Being A Comedy Fan When I Was, I'm Going To Guess, Like 5 Or 6 Years Old.

I Was On The Train The Other Day, And I Heard Somebody Say, I'm Really Good At Checkers. That's The Same Thing As Saying, I'm Not Good At Very Many Things.

For Example, I Was A White House Intern The Summer Before I Dropped Out Of Law School. Everybody Knew About It. I'd Come Home And Go To Church And Everybody Would Say, Oh, My God. Demetri, You're Working At The White House.